BDSM sex involves one partner being dominant and the other partner being submissive during sexual intercourse.
The dynamics of BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism) sex revolve around dominance and control. One partner takes on a dominant role while the other adopts a submissive role. Although it may seem unconventional, many couples enjoy engaging in BDSM sex. The American erotic romantic drama “Fifty Shades of Grey” brought this type of relationship to the forefront, sparking curiosity about BDSM sex.
Some individuals may already be engaging in light BDSM activities such as light spanking, role play, using blindfolds, or hair pulling.
Research cited by The American Board of Sexology shows that a significant percentage of women and men have fantasized about sexually dominating someone. While these practices are more common in LGBTQ couples, people of various age groups, genders, and ethnicities participate in BDSM sex.
People enjoy BDSM sex because it helps build trust in a relationship, enhances mood, and adds excitement. However, there are unspoken rules and guidelines that should be followed when engaging in BDSM sex. An expert sex health psychologist, Anu Goel, explains the do’s and don’ts of BDSM sex.
What is BDSM sex?
BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, and masochism. It encompasses sexual preferences and behaviors involving tools like whips, chains, handcuffs, and more.
- Bondage: Restricting a partner’s movement using ropes or handcuffs.
- Discipline: Following agreed-upon rules and regulations.
- Dominance: Exerting physical control over the partner.
- Submission: Yielding to the dominant partner’s desires.
- Sadism and masochism: Finding pleasure in dominating or experiencing pain. Sadism involves inflicting pain, while masochism involves receiving it.
Studies show that bondage is a common sexual activity among individuals in the kink community and that the power exchange in BDSM is sexually arousing for many people.
Are there any benefits of BDSM sex?
1. Enhanced Pleasure
BDSM activities can intensify pleasure during sexual intercourse by creating a mental state known as subspace. This altered state of consciousness can enhance sexual pleasure, starting from discussions and culminating in experiencing pain.
2. Builds Trust
Engaging in BDSM sex fosters trust and honesty between partners. The vulnerability and power dynamics involved in BDSM can strengthen a relationship.
3. Healing from Trauma
BDSM has been shown to help individuals heal from trauma, PTSD, and past abuse. Power dynamics in BDSM can extend beyond the bedroom, positively impacting other aspects of a couple’s relationship.
4. Improves Sexual and Mental Health
Research indicates that individuals who practice BDSM experience less distress in sexual functioning and lower anxiety levels. Engaging in BDSM activities can facilitate role-specific altered states of consciousness, contributing to improved sexual and mental well-being.
How to do BDSM sex?
There is no one right way to engage in BDSM. Experimentation with power play, role play, and bondage tools like handcuffs and blindfolds is encouraged. However, certain considerations must be kept in mind:
1. Prepare Well and Prioritize Consent
Both partners must be well-prepared and give consent before partaking in BDSM activities. Seeking guidance from experts, reading up on BDSM practices, or watching instructional videos can help.
2. Set Strict Rules
Discuss and establish rules, safe words, boundaries, and limits with mutual consent to ensure a safe and fulfilling BDSM experience.
3. Be Safe
Both partners should prioritize physical and emotional safety by establishing non-verbal cues and respecting each other’s comfort levels.
4. Be Careful with Restraints
If using restraints like handcuffs, partners must understand how to use them safely and keep keys or cutting tools nearby for emergencies.
5. Go Slow
Enjoy the journey of exploration and take your time to discover what works best for you and your partner. Start with simpler activities, such as using handcuffs, and gradually progress based on mutual comfort and enjoyment.